I have always thought that I’d be married by the time I’m 27 years old. Have always dreamed and planned it, and was always sure it'll come true. Yet, my 28th birthday was last month and for the first time in my life since I took up dating, I have been single for almost a year.
Life, huh? It always manages to find a silly creative sarcastic way to screw one over. Hahaa!
Am a big believer that nothing in life comes as a coincidence. It’s there to serve a purpose. Whether it’s to help, to teach, or simply to show a fact that we fail to notice – things happen for a reason. We just need to learn to comprehend them.
Now, these next few lines will sound extra cheesy. I just can’t stop myself to want to write it down anyways. This, is my tacky confession. And here it goes:
I‘ve been meaning to write a post series on the main actors that have casted in my life. Surely all of them since that’ll be too many (and too boring, and not to mention too narcissi of me). But about some, and with only one character at a time.
This particular first post edition is dedicated to the one who had crossed my mind when I thought about my life to come lately. About the color and lesson he gave me.
Note that this is not a hate post. If anything, this is more of a thank you note.
My gratitude, to all the boys I’ve loved before.
–Maan, I’m so sorry I made your lyric sounded cheesy, Mr.Iglesias. :|
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So yes, I’ve been thinking about the future lately. Being a spontaneous character, this is unlikely of myself. By experience, I’ve learned that making plans is not among my stronger point. Geez, look what happened with my marriage plan? :p
Anyways, to be specific, I’ve been thinking about my future career.
Now, people.. I loved my job.
Yes, you read correctly. The sentence above is written in past tense. Which means, I used to love my job but not anymore.
It doesn’t pay as well as its social status and reputation, since I work in a multinational energy company. But my work developed my professional competencies the exact way I wanted it, at least for the first 4 years that is. And I used to dream I’d be in that position. To be a CSR implementer in this particular company was one of my wildest dreams. And this is just me saying the truth out loud.
Nonetheless, while entering my 5th year now, I’m thinking of leaving it.
And this thought, was especially triggered by one guy’s wedding invitation. I’d like to think of it as the last surprise sponsored by my dear most recent ex-boyfriend that have just dumped me earlier this year. Nice one, cup! Gave me a hell of a wake-up call.
Now, this guy. Wrecked my life’s plan. Single handedly ruin my path to tie the knot with the man I’ve been seeing for 6 years before I met him (thus, the messed up 27-years-old-and-already-married scenario – that’ll be in another post though).
He was not quite the type that I would fall for. Not that nerdy and bright and challenging in an intellectual manner type. *ups! :p
But he made excellent career choices. He’s good at what he does, and he made the right calls for himself in that matter. That's more than suffice.
The best memory I have of him, would be when he chased me all across the country border – for whatever reason that was. What he did simply made me felt wanted, and I felt like I finally found someone that felt I'm that worthy to go after.
Sure, his consistency was terribly questioned after that. But he made me remember how to fall head over heels for someone. How it feels to be incredibly stupid in love.
And for all of the above; I thanked you, Sir.
Your wedding invitation slapped me in the face for have staying put in my life, at least since you went away. When all my friends (yes, including you) have moved on with their lives, here I am still floating in insecurity.
I’ve gotten too comfortable with what I liked to do, that I’ve forgotten that I still need to leap and jump and step and lick on a few others before I got anywhere closer to the place I wanted to be in life.
And you tried to tell me that, didn’t you?
With all the wrong excuses unfortunately, since your excuse to want me to quit was apparently to get away from your recently wed ex-girlfriend at the time.
But you did throw the right question,
“How will you move forward if you choose to be tied down in the same company that can't appreciate you?”
It’s too late, I know.
But it’s better late than never, right?
After 8 months – and a wedding invitation – I finally got your point.
I have always said to my friends – on my sane moments that is – that life is not all about love. That love is merely an aspect of it. A significant chunk, sure. But there are more in life than just it. We all have those other things in life to worry about, to work on, and to fight for.
You told me in our last encounter that you’d be leaving the country after your marriage, just like you planned it. I told you that you were being a snob for rubbing your success in my face. –I still think you are a snob, FYI.
But even I with all my envy must admit it’s none of your fault. Because I know you worked hard for it. If I may say, you fought your battles well, mister. And for that, I sincerely salute and congratulate you for your achievement. And hence, for your life to come. Sincerely. :)
Speaking of “the one”, I think I’ve just gotten THE revelation last Saturday night, in a corporate event held somewhere along the beach of Jakarta. While watching Mulan Jameela singing Cinta Mati 2 in concert, nonetheless. :|
Let me got this straight, I’m not a big fan of concerts, and certainly not a big fan of Mulan Jameela. But in the midst of all the hassle dazzle, somehow your face popped in my mind. Along with the face of the previous guy, and some other guys before and after the both of you. -*whoops!
And through out that song, I remember holding back my tears while thinking,
“Saya ikhlas, Tuhan.”
I honestly don’t know where life would take me. But I’ll make sure I’ll give my best shot at every corner from now on.
So here’s to life, cup.
The past, the present, and the future.
Cheers!
