the story from a silly cupid..

i've always love to play cupid..

i guess it's just one of my 'thing'.. :p

entah kenapa yap, gw selalu terpanggil untuk memperhatikan dan mengintervensi segala kisah percintaan dari manusia-manusia di sekitar gw..
gw rasa ini tindak lanjut gw atas salah satu kalimat yg dulu bgt pernah gw denger di radio;
"kalo gak bodooh gaak cintaa" katanya..
nah, orang bodoh perlu dibimbing.. karna otaknya suka pada hang.. *supernyolot* :p

nah,
alkisahnya, gw punya dua ekor teman baiiiik di kantor..
satu cewe... yg dengan segala kelabilan dan kepolosan hatinyaa sudah menghasilkan korban jiwa dari pria2 yang jatuh cinta padanya hanya karna salah paham..
*tenang, cupi.. i'm on your side.. capaa curuuh mereka jatuuh cintaaa cama lo? :p

satu lagi cowo,. yg dengan segala kebaikan dan kelembutan hatinya,. agaaak seriing jadi korban dalam masalah percintaan karna kepleset ke zona "Let's Just Be Friends"-nya cewe.. :p

ditengah dinamika dan pergaulan kantor yg kalau didokumentasiin bisa jadi top-rated reality show ini, ada ajaa gitu kasus2 bodoh yang pasti nyangkut ke kita bertiga..
*well, most likely ke sahabat cewe gw sii.. mari kita sebut saja dia cupi.. :p*

but last nite, *ehm, i have to say i'm proud to say.. :p*;
dua2nya sukses menyelesaikan kasus yg mereka punya di kantor dudul ini.. :)

begini prolognya:
cupi ini, adalah salah satu kembang kantor..
jangan tanya kenapa.. karna gw gak tau..
cantik bgt nggak, badannya juga rada buntet,. tapi dia laku daaah.. :p *ampun, cupi..*
sejauh ini kalo diitung-itung.. udah cukup lah anggota Cupi FC buat bikin kesebelasan lengkap sm cadangan.. hehe..

salah satu dari anggota tim itu, adalah seorang cowo pandai dan baikhati yang akan kita sebut: bung cupu!

nah, ganti angle cerita dulu..
sahabat cowo gw, ~mari kita sebut dia cupo~, akhir2 ini deket sm seorang anak kantor juga..
cewe mungil bermata besar yang akan kita sebut: mbak cupa! *mulai gak kreatif*

kenapa sahabat2 gw bisa barengan menutup cerita masing2 tadi mlm?

ini ceritanya:

jauh sebelum cupo deket sm cupa.. ternyata cupa ini pernah digocipin sm bung cupu..
tentunya ini tanpa ada yg menyadari bahwa cupu ini sdg patahhati sm cupi..

dan tentunya pula, cupi pun tak tau bahwa cupu sebegitunya patahhati waktu dia memutuskan untuk mengangkat pacar baru sebulan silam.. kenapa?
karna si bung cupu ini pernah bilang ke cupi,
"i think we're doing great as friends, rite?"
*dowewew... :S

sekali lagi, untuk menambah intrik dan keribetan dari cerita ini..
tentunya bung cupu tak tau kalau alasan preventif dia waktu itu telah membuat cupi kecil hati terhadap kekaguman yg dia simpan sebelumnya..

ckckck...

singkat cerita, tadi mlm kita pergi beramai2..
cupa, cupi, cupu, cupo, gw dan satu orang lagi teman kita.. *terpaksa kita panggil cupe saja..*
this is silly,

cupe ini sebenernya promotor awal dari cupo sm cupa..
tapi karna tiba2 pd suatu hari di progress report mereka si cupa menganalogikan cupo dengan bakso yg sedang ingin ia cicipi diluar mie ayam yg selalu dia pesen..
dilanjutkan dgn gosip2 yg cupe denger soal cupa dan cupu..
cupe sekarang adalah orang yg paling antipati soal perjodohan cupa dan cupo..

*udah mulai pusing belom? :D*

tadi mlm, cupe semaaaangaat bgt soal mempertemukan semua orang..
gw setuju.. drpd cupe ini emoci jiwa cerita ke cupu soal keribetan cerita ini,.
lets unwrap it the old fashion way.. which is rock 'n roll, baby! *halah*
dlm bahasa yg waras, gulirkan saja lah semuanya..

as retweeted from ihatequotes by my *hopefully* future inlaw this morning:
"Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel." -Morrie Schwartz

kenapa gw memutuskan untuk meretweet itu kembali?
karna triple date yg ditutup dengan couple's longmarch dari fatmawati ke cilandak td mlm berakhir dengan gw plg naik bluebird sendirian.. ditemani cupe yg sedih krn spanyol kalah dari swiss di penyisihan piala dunia.. *hlow??*

cupu dan cupi yang akhirnya memperjelas situasi dan kondisi mereka..
baca:
cupi yg mempertanyakan kenapa jg cupu gak pernah maju buat deketin dia dari dulu2...
disertai dengan cupu yg mengaku patahhati sm cupi karna cupi sudah punya orang skrg..

dan.... cupo yg jadiaaan sm cupaaaa! :)

i can't help to wonder..
andai cupo nurut sm cupe, cupi dan gw seminggu yg lalu..
dia pasti gak punya pacar sekarang..
tapi toh dia milih buat nurut sm hatinya dia dan ngejalanin perasaannya dgn jujur..
tulus dengan mengetahui resiko klo dia bakal sakit hatii malah..
*meskipun sempet nanya ke tempat sampah mana hrs dia buang hatinya dia abis denger paparan kita soal gosip2 cupa dan cupo? hahaa! :p

dan andai dulu cupu nurutin hati dia soal ngedeketin cupi...
mungkin dari duluu kisahnya gak akan seribet ini.. :p

ini post pertama gw setelah absen setaun...
dan sahabat-sahabat gw tau kalau dalam kehidupan nyata pun gw jaraaang bgt ngomong soal hati dan perasaan...

but i just have to write this one i guess...
to remind myself that it is essential to always be true to ourselves..
and to always listen., to our hearts... :)

hwahahahaaa!

udah gilaa kali gw nulis beginian... :p

a speechless monologue..

dentam

I
aku memendam perasaan ini bagai seorang cilik yang mengantungi kembang gula kesukaannya
selalu ingat dan terus
meraba-raba sakunya


II
aku menyimpan perasaanku tentangmu
tentang semua -
dalam sebuah peti yang kutaruh begitu saja
di sudut

kau pernah melewatinya
tapi kau bengkalaikan saja
karena bayanganku yang menyelubunginya
2003

........................................................................................................

this was taken of a blog, which is told to be for me..
made in the year 2006, and informed to me in the year 2007,,
where evrything is mostly behind us then,,

i was in love back then,,
and i still am now,,
with the same person that created the writings for me at that time,,

for him is always a matter of implicitness;
where he prefers not to say a thing and therefore letting me guess on my own how he feels and thinks,,
he thought i'd understand..

hh...
i truly dont know if there's something wrong with me.
"its just never enough for you..", he said

and maybe he's right,
for it breaks my heart to see how he's able to express his feelings so freely in a blog for someone else after me..
*(though at that particular time i do admit i'm not around..)
and for i'm annoyed by how he can gladly tell me his admiration on things he found surrounds him,,
**(which should be considered normal, yu? he's in berlin??? :S)
oh,
and for how i'm bothered by the fact that he talks about the girls from his past like they're so flawless and better from me..
***(when how come all i hear is my flaws from him?? damn! )

and finally, how i perceived that he's able to be so happy and fine without me...
****(how the hell can i not be that without him??)

i really don't get how he doesnt get what i'm saying.
all my feelings = complaints, right?
i mean, is that really too much for me to ask? of so much of him??

damn.
am i really a selfish b*tch?? :(

i hate losing him.
i let him go once quite sometime ago,
and it sucks like hell! :S
so i should know better now to let go something so easily ~ even though how i feel now sucks as well..

hh,
maybe i'm just making excuses and troubles like he said,,
as part from my internal conflict to resolve my indecisiveness issues.. ~dowewew!

maybe i do need somethin or someone to hold on to..
and he's not around. :(
so i'm playing with my clingy default to make him promise me the world.

hm.. :

no.
you know what?

i think, i'm just in love,,
cause you don't do and wonder about stupid silly little things like this when u're not..
right?

atleast not over a guy... :(

damn!

onE hectic yEar end...

haha,,
akhir taun ini,, selain kemarin gw dibanjiri pekerjaan yg berlimpah2 sebelum manajer gw tercinta keluar,, masi diwarnain juga sm segala kawinan2 yg tanmpaknya selalu ada di setiap jumat, sabtu dan minggu... lalu, sm pesta akhir taunnya shell di dharmawangsaa..
daaan,, dengan perkara hilangnya teman2 kantor gw tercinta... xC

haduhhaduhaduh.,,,
now i see what hectic means for real.. xp
gw sangat mengagumi bos gw di shell,,
she's really a tough lady,, to be a mom and a manager all at once is not easy at all yaaa..
especially when u have to do other assignments as well..
tapi hektiknya masi bisa ditanggung tu kayanya,, hoho!
canggih d ibu yg itu,, =)

anyways,
by new year tomorrow,, she will have a new assistant that replaces the one she's (and we) have been with for as long as i can remember,, (which is since july 2008.. xp)
and i apparently will have a new manager directly above me that replaces the one i (and we) have been with since i started this job,, (again, since july 2008,, xp)

hwaaaa,,,
what a way to start over a new year yaaaa....
a practically almost all-new teaam,, :p

well,, atleast it closes really well...
the costume party at shell was a blast!
hahaaaa...

i would hate to start the new year (nor to end the one now..) with tears,,
so i prefer to say that hopefully this is just a beginning of something better.. for all people included and mentioned in the scenario.. =)

cheers to all!!

laskaR pelangi harUs sekOlaaaH!

for the last weeks,,
gw udah jungkir balik mikir soal s2 yg mau gw ambil..
hehe..

i never thought in my life,, that i would actually have a shot to take another degree..
it really sounds to good..
just to think of me having another shot in fixing my grades at campus..
(which also means hopefully i will have a higher stepping stone for career life!!hahaaaa...)

tapi,
like i deal with all things that looks and sounds to good..
i have to hesitate..

udah dua hari ini gw denger pertanyaan yg udah mengejar2 gw bertaun2..
"is this what you really want, yu?"

damn..
and the hesitation flooded me so badly that i finally decided to skip the first trial for the course..
hahaa...

barusan,,
ade gw memaksa gw sm emak ntn laskar pelangi..
(sebenernya hari minggu kemaren dia hampir berhasil bikin kita sekeluarga ntn itu setelah 12 taun ga ntn bareng.. sayang tiketnya abis,, nice kid yaaa? hehe!)
and as much as i hate to show my emotional-vulnerability to anyone..
gw nangis2 ajaaa gitu..

yg paling dudul lagi,,
gw itu nangis (diem2 tentunya..) pas mereka pasang qoute UUD'45 (yg sudah diamandemen mungkin..),
"Pasal 31: Semua warga negara berhak menerima pendidikan"

and i hesitated?
shoot.. xC

segitu banyaknya org yg pgn sekolah tapi ga bisa..
dan gw malah bingung pas disuruh sekolah lagi.
have i lost my mind??

i'm taking the call..
and this,, is what i want.. soberly! (amien!)

mari sekolaaaah, kawan2!!! xD

kilaS balik hasil berbeRes!! ;p

kata orang, yg namanya bulan puasa itu emang bulan perenungan..
waktu lo buat memikirkan kembali segala yg udah pernah lo lakuin,,
dengan harapan lo akan bisa menyadari segala kesalahan, bertobat dan kembali menjadi fitri tentunya,,, [amien... :)]

in my life,,
the upcoming of idul fitri also means the annual cleaning-up of the house!
secara kita terima tamu di hari kedua,,
jadi ga mungkin laah bermalasan dan membiarkan rumah dalam keadaan berantakaan.. xp

since its been a tradition,, jadi selalu dan selalu,,
i would find clean up my room,, and found all of the sentimentil stuff that would absolutely remind me of a certain memories in the past,,,
either that's just a silly note from a boy in the past,
or an old-school candid picture of when i was younger,,
pokoknya selalu adaa!!
dan selalu pulaa,, i would have hard times deciding whether i should throw them away or keep them for the nostalgic values?
[biasanya,, yg terjadi adalah gw akan menyimpan mereka ditempat lain,, yg akan gw lupakan sampe gw temukan kembali setaun mendatang di beres2 lebaran berikutnyaa... xp]

this year..
what is so special is the items from high school period!

bukan cuma buku taunan atau foto dari si kisah cinta dudul jaman sma itu..
[btw, dimanaa yaa foto prom gw yg lg duduk sm si mantan pacar itu?? harus dicari nii.. haha! xp]
tapiii,, yg gw temuin adalah titipan tmen2 SMA gw coba??

jadi, alkisahnya...
setelah lulus, ada dua orang sahabat yg nitipin barang ke gw..
yg pertama ini kasus ekstrim,, dia nitipin semua diari dia dari SMP sampe kita lulus SMA ke gw.,
ini soalnya dia mau kuliah di bandung,, dia ga mau diari2 itu kebaca adenya dirumah, tapi juga ga mau pacarnya yg juga ada di bandung baca diari2 itu klo ada di kos-an dia.. jadilah,, 9 buku saudara2!! hahaa....
yg kedua,, ini lebih spesifik,,
gw juga baru inget setelah nemu si amplop coklat yg dikirim sm dia dari tmpt dia kuliah di jogja..
untung amplop itu ga kena rayap2 yg lagi jadi kasus di kamar gw.. xC
dia nitip ke gw,, semua tulisan yg pernah dikasi sm mantan cewenya,, (yg adalah sahabat gw dari sejak SD btw..) ditambah satu puisi yg dia tulis buat cewe ini,, dan satu surat buat gw yg isinya mencurahkan perasaan klo boleh gw bilang.. xp

giilaaaa...
i consider myself a rational being at this stage,,
i rarely cried on my own love & life case..
but these items of the past got me good!!! xD

semua yg ditinggalin di gw ini kayanya konyol sekarang,,,
karna mreka berdua udah sangat move-on bahkan..
yg satu udah jadi arsitek di bali, yg satu lagi berkarir di jogja..
dan dua2nya punya pacar yg tetap si kayaknya sekarang..
(yg tentu saja bukan orang2 yg mreka sebutin di buku dan surat2 yg ada di gw.. xp)

tapi kenyataan bahwa mereka pernah punya perasaan dudul itu bertaun2 yg lalu jaman kita masih pada mudaaa (baca: waktu masi belasan taun.. xp) sampe harus menitipkan semua itu di orang lain just to get-over it?? hoho...
itu yg bikin gw ngerasa barang2 ini penting,,

entah ini normal apa nggak yap,,
but i laughed and cried everytime i opened one of my diaries,,
padahal awalnya cuma pgn iseng.. hahaa...

i dont know whether they remembered sending these items to me,,
or when i can give it back to them siy..
i do know that i'm wanna keep it save though,,
menunggu instruksi selanjutnya dari pihak2 berkepentingan laah paling nggak...
hahaaaa....

selamaat lebaaRaaan!!

a 'me fiRst!' kind of wEek??

i'm not exactly a fanatic of horoscope and stuff..
apalagi sejak gw pernah ngalamin sendiri the so called 'worst-prophecy-thru-tarot-ever' really did came true in my case 4 years back.. xC

tapi,,
harus gw akui di box shio di fb gw,, ramalan2 gila itu suka bner..
*btw, note that gw meng-keep box ini untuk kesenangan belakaa,, lagian there's rarely anything personal in it...
mostly its about financial, or activities kinda thing..*

naah,,
dini hari inii,, gw menemukaan tulisan "a me first! kind of day.."
hooo,, andai dia tau..
klo gw udah menggila dgn diri gw sendiri sepanjaaaaang minggu iniii sebenarnyaaa...
hahaaa.... xD

bukan cuma di kerjaan,,
tapi di soal finansial dan pembelanjaan...
i spent a lot on things i dont even think i need?!!!
well, di kerjaan juga sebnernya gw lg dudul bgt sii...
meskipun kerjaan gw masi ontime secara timeline..
i woke up at 9 everydaaay,,, meaning i got to the office like 10AM??
hahaa,, what a prick!

matilaaah....

ini kebiasaan burug,,
spending all my cash to waste without any agenda???
haduhhaduhhaduh..

...however,
.......i have to say,

it's reaaaaalllly good to indulge myself like never before!!!
hahaaaa.....

moga2 gw cepet tobaat... xp
amieeen.....

-and timE will alwaYs tell..-

ever questioned the choices u've made in ur life?

sometimes, it's as silly about picking a certain color or model of shirt and shoes to wear for a day,,
or choosing to go to a crazy girls-night-out with ur best buddies or to a tempting dinner-for-two with a ticklishly challenging guy..
and some other times, you're force to make bigger options,, like what major to take in studies and where u wanna go with ur career,,

either ways, life is all about choices..
u take them every single day, to actually continue ur path of in this silly world..

the real question is;
how do you know if you're making the right choices?

hohoho...

sure, for somethings you can use the logical common-sense or calculations to take the call..
but for some others, and most oftenly in my life..
i sure don't know if its the right one..
not at the moment,,

ya iya laah,,, they all would seem right at the moment..
dengan asumsi lo nggak gila,, :p
pasti lo punya dasar pemikiran waktu lo ngambil satu keputusan..
tapi seringkali yg lo pake ya asumsi at the time being ajaa..
at the time, it seems right...
well at that time,, lo belum punya informasi yg sempurnaa, yu!! xp

hahaa....

jadi seriiiiing bgt tu gw harus end up paying a significant cost buat kesalahan2 yg mnrut gw setelah dipikir2 sekarang: ga ada perlu-perlunyaaa.... xD
(ehm,, tapi karna sekarang lagi belajar melihat semua berita dari dua sisi,,
sebnernya bisa ada banget perlunya:
buat pelajaran di masa yang akan datang!!!! hahaaa.. :D)

tapi bner,
i bought like a dozen high heels yg sakitnya amit2 klo dipake..
blom kapok2 jugaa tu??
still on that impulsive buying behavior if i should see one that hits my soft-spot for shoes...
hehe...

juga soal segala barang2 yg ada di kamar gw...
my room is filled with things that often made me think:
"what in the world was i thinking when i got this??"
still... i bought 'em anyways... and still shop nevertheless now..
bwahahaa!!

ada satu lagi yg masih sering aja gw kacaukan betapapun teman2 gw bilang udah sering bgt gw lakukan...
the classic part of love life! hahaa...
yg ini lebih paraaah...
they all seem right at the time,,
(meskipun,, like any common non-prime goods...
the flaws will appear after a while... xp)
but i can't just throw the mistakes away afterwards..
berasaanyaaa itu ketiiiipuuuu bgt!!!!!
@nj**t!!! xc
udah harga diri bicara banget d klo kasus2 ini udah kejadian..
bwahaaaa.... xp

but,, in the end,,
i do believe that not looking back might be the best way to live,
sure.... u screwed, most probably got urself hurt, and hopefully u learned somethin out of the drama,,
but living in the past is not living at all,, is it?
its the future that we have to worry...

people made a mistakes evry once and a while,,
so?! just get on with it, people!

one way or another,, problems always meet their solutions..

qouting one of my favorite lines ever,,
"evrything is okay in the end,, if its not okay, then its just not the end.."
and everything., must come to an end right? xp

so whether u're making the right choice,, or the wrong one,,
or maybe have taken the wrong one and waiting for an exit to step out of it..
(or just the debts to come around eventually.. xp)
wait up and see..

time will tell what you can do.. it always does.. ;p
if u can't listen, though., u're simply in deep shit..
haha... xD