onE hectic yEar end...

haha,,
akhir taun ini,, selain kemarin gw dibanjiri pekerjaan yg berlimpah2 sebelum manajer gw tercinta keluar,, masi diwarnain juga sm segala kawinan2 yg tanmpaknya selalu ada di setiap jumat, sabtu dan minggu... lalu, sm pesta akhir taunnya shell di dharmawangsaa..
daaan,, dengan perkara hilangnya teman2 kantor gw tercinta... xC

haduhhaduhaduh.,,,
now i see what hectic means for real.. xp
gw sangat mengagumi bos gw di shell,,
she's really a tough lady,, to be a mom and a manager all at once is not easy at all yaaa..
especially when u have to do other assignments as well..
tapi hektiknya masi bisa ditanggung tu kayanya,, hoho!
canggih d ibu yg itu,, =)

anyways,
by new year tomorrow,, she will have a new assistant that replaces the one she's (and we) have been with for as long as i can remember,, (which is since july 2008.. xp)
and i apparently will have a new manager directly above me that replaces the one i (and we) have been with since i started this job,, (again, since july 2008,, xp)

hwaaaa,,,
what a way to start over a new year yaaaa....
a practically almost all-new teaam,, :p

well,, atleast it closes really well...
the costume party at shell was a blast!
hahaaaa...

i would hate to start the new year (nor to end the one now..) with tears,,
so i prefer to say that hopefully this is just a beginning of something better.. for all people included and mentioned in the scenario.. =)

cheers to all!!

laskaR pelangi harUs sekOlaaaH!

for the last weeks,,
gw udah jungkir balik mikir soal s2 yg mau gw ambil..
hehe..

i never thought in my life,, that i would actually have a shot to take another degree..
it really sounds to good..
just to think of me having another shot in fixing my grades at campus..
(which also means hopefully i will have a higher stepping stone for career life!!hahaaaa...)

tapi,
like i deal with all things that looks and sounds to good..
i have to hesitate..

udah dua hari ini gw denger pertanyaan yg udah mengejar2 gw bertaun2..
"is this what you really want, yu?"

damn..
and the hesitation flooded me so badly that i finally decided to skip the first trial for the course..
hahaa...

barusan,,
ade gw memaksa gw sm emak ntn laskar pelangi..
(sebenernya hari minggu kemaren dia hampir berhasil bikin kita sekeluarga ntn itu setelah 12 taun ga ntn bareng.. sayang tiketnya abis,, nice kid yaaa? hehe!)
and as much as i hate to show my emotional-vulnerability to anyone..
gw nangis2 ajaaa gitu..

yg paling dudul lagi,,
gw itu nangis (diem2 tentunya..) pas mereka pasang qoute UUD'45 (yg sudah diamandemen mungkin..),
"Pasal 31: Semua warga negara berhak menerima pendidikan"

and i hesitated?
shoot.. xC

segitu banyaknya org yg pgn sekolah tapi ga bisa..
dan gw malah bingung pas disuruh sekolah lagi.
have i lost my mind??

i'm taking the call..
and this,, is what i want.. soberly! (amien!)

mari sekolaaaah, kawan2!!! xD

kilaS balik hasil berbeRes!! ;p

kata orang, yg namanya bulan puasa itu emang bulan perenungan..
waktu lo buat memikirkan kembali segala yg udah pernah lo lakuin,,
dengan harapan lo akan bisa menyadari segala kesalahan, bertobat dan kembali menjadi fitri tentunya,,, [amien... :)]

in my life,,
the upcoming of idul fitri also means the annual cleaning-up of the house!
secara kita terima tamu di hari kedua,,
jadi ga mungkin laah bermalasan dan membiarkan rumah dalam keadaan berantakaan.. xp

since its been a tradition,, jadi selalu dan selalu,,
i would find clean up my room,, and found all of the sentimentil stuff that would absolutely remind me of a certain memories in the past,,,
either that's just a silly note from a boy in the past,
or an old-school candid picture of when i was younger,,
pokoknya selalu adaa!!
dan selalu pulaa,, i would have hard times deciding whether i should throw them away or keep them for the nostalgic values?
[biasanya,, yg terjadi adalah gw akan menyimpan mereka ditempat lain,, yg akan gw lupakan sampe gw temukan kembali setaun mendatang di beres2 lebaran berikutnyaa... xp]

this year..
what is so special is the items from high school period!

bukan cuma buku taunan atau foto dari si kisah cinta dudul jaman sma itu..
[btw, dimanaa yaa foto prom gw yg lg duduk sm si mantan pacar itu?? harus dicari nii.. haha! xp]
tapiii,, yg gw temuin adalah titipan tmen2 SMA gw coba??

jadi, alkisahnya...
setelah lulus, ada dua orang sahabat yg nitipin barang ke gw..
yg pertama ini kasus ekstrim,, dia nitipin semua diari dia dari SMP sampe kita lulus SMA ke gw.,
ini soalnya dia mau kuliah di bandung,, dia ga mau diari2 itu kebaca adenya dirumah, tapi juga ga mau pacarnya yg juga ada di bandung baca diari2 itu klo ada di kos-an dia.. jadilah,, 9 buku saudara2!! hahaa....
yg kedua,, ini lebih spesifik,,
gw juga baru inget setelah nemu si amplop coklat yg dikirim sm dia dari tmpt dia kuliah di jogja..
untung amplop itu ga kena rayap2 yg lagi jadi kasus di kamar gw.. xC
dia nitip ke gw,, semua tulisan yg pernah dikasi sm mantan cewenya,, (yg adalah sahabat gw dari sejak SD btw..) ditambah satu puisi yg dia tulis buat cewe ini,, dan satu surat buat gw yg isinya mencurahkan perasaan klo boleh gw bilang.. xp

giilaaaa...
i consider myself a rational being at this stage,,
i rarely cried on my own love & life case..
but these items of the past got me good!!! xD

semua yg ditinggalin di gw ini kayanya konyol sekarang,,,
karna mreka berdua udah sangat move-on bahkan..
yg satu udah jadi arsitek di bali, yg satu lagi berkarir di jogja..
dan dua2nya punya pacar yg tetap si kayaknya sekarang..
(yg tentu saja bukan orang2 yg mreka sebutin di buku dan surat2 yg ada di gw.. xp)

tapi kenyataan bahwa mereka pernah punya perasaan dudul itu bertaun2 yg lalu jaman kita masih pada mudaaa (baca: waktu masi belasan taun.. xp) sampe harus menitipkan semua itu di orang lain just to get-over it?? hoho...
itu yg bikin gw ngerasa barang2 ini penting,,

entah ini normal apa nggak yap,,
but i laughed and cried everytime i opened one of my diaries,,
padahal awalnya cuma pgn iseng.. hahaa...

i dont know whether they remembered sending these items to me,,
or when i can give it back to them siy..
i do know that i'm wanna keep it save though,,
menunggu instruksi selanjutnya dari pihak2 berkepentingan laah paling nggak...
hahaaaa....

selamaat lebaaRaaan!!

a 'me fiRst!' kind of wEek??

i'm not exactly a fanatic of horoscope and stuff..
apalagi sejak gw pernah ngalamin sendiri the so called 'worst-prophecy-thru-tarot-ever' really did came true in my case 4 years back.. xC

tapi,,
harus gw akui di box shio di fb gw,, ramalan2 gila itu suka bner..
*btw, note that gw meng-keep box ini untuk kesenangan belakaa,, lagian there's rarely anything personal in it...
mostly its about financial, or activities kinda thing..*

naah,,
dini hari inii,, gw menemukaan tulisan "a me first! kind of day.."
hooo,, andai dia tau..
klo gw udah menggila dgn diri gw sendiri sepanjaaaaang minggu iniii sebenarnyaaa...
hahaaa.... xD

bukan cuma di kerjaan,,
tapi di soal finansial dan pembelanjaan...
i spent a lot on things i dont even think i need?!!!
well, di kerjaan juga sebnernya gw lg dudul bgt sii...
meskipun kerjaan gw masi ontime secara timeline..
i woke up at 9 everydaaay,,, meaning i got to the office like 10AM??
hahaa,, what a prick!

matilaaah....

ini kebiasaan burug,,
spending all my cash to waste without any agenda???
haduhhaduhhaduh..

...however,
.......i have to say,

it's reaaaaalllly good to indulge myself like never before!!!
hahaaaa.....

moga2 gw cepet tobaat... xp
amieeen.....

-and timE will alwaYs tell..-

ever questioned the choices u've made in ur life?

sometimes, it's as silly about picking a certain color or model of shirt and shoes to wear for a day,,
or choosing to go to a crazy girls-night-out with ur best buddies or to a tempting dinner-for-two with a ticklishly challenging guy..
and some other times, you're force to make bigger options,, like what major to take in studies and where u wanna go with ur career,,

either ways, life is all about choices..
u take them every single day, to actually continue ur path of in this silly world..

the real question is;
how do you know if you're making the right choices?

hohoho...

sure, for somethings you can use the logical common-sense or calculations to take the call..
but for some others, and most oftenly in my life..
i sure don't know if its the right one..
not at the moment,,

ya iya laah,,, they all would seem right at the moment..
dengan asumsi lo nggak gila,, :p
pasti lo punya dasar pemikiran waktu lo ngambil satu keputusan..
tapi seringkali yg lo pake ya asumsi at the time being ajaa..
at the time, it seems right...
well at that time,, lo belum punya informasi yg sempurnaa, yu!! xp

hahaa....

jadi seriiiiing bgt tu gw harus end up paying a significant cost buat kesalahan2 yg mnrut gw setelah dipikir2 sekarang: ga ada perlu-perlunyaaa.... xD
(ehm,, tapi karna sekarang lagi belajar melihat semua berita dari dua sisi,,
sebnernya bisa ada banget perlunya:
buat pelajaran di masa yang akan datang!!!! hahaaa.. :D)

tapi bner,
i bought like a dozen high heels yg sakitnya amit2 klo dipake..
blom kapok2 jugaa tu??
still on that impulsive buying behavior if i should see one that hits my soft-spot for shoes...
hehe...

juga soal segala barang2 yg ada di kamar gw...
my room is filled with things that often made me think:
"what in the world was i thinking when i got this??"
still... i bought 'em anyways... and still shop nevertheless now..
bwahahaa!!

ada satu lagi yg masih sering aja gw kacaukan betapapun teman2 gw bilang udah sering bgt gw lakukan...
the classic part of love life! hahaa...
yg ini lebih paraaah...
they all seem right at the time,,
(meskipun,, like any common non-prime goods...
the flaws will appear after a while... xp)
but i can't just throw the mistakes away afterwards..
berasaanyaaa itu ketiiiipuuuu bgt!!!!!
@nj**t!!! xc
udah harga diri bicara banget d klo kasus2 ini udah kejadian..
bwahaaaa.... xp

but,, in the end,,
i do believe that not looking back might be the best way to live,
sure.... u screwed, most probably got urself hurt, and hopefully u learned somethin out of the drama,,
but living in the past is not living at all,, is it?
its the future that we have to worry...

people made a mistakes evry once and a while,,
so?! just get on with it, people!

one way or another,, problems always meet their solutions..

qouting one of my favorite lines ever,,
"evrything is okay in the end,, if its not okay, then its just not the end.."
and everything., must come to an end right? xp

so whether u're making the right choice,, or the wrong one,,
or maybe have taken the wrong one and waiting for an exit to step out of it..
(or just the debts to come around eventually.. xp)
wait up and see..

time will tell what you can do.. it always does.. ;p
if u can't listen, though., u're simply in deep shit..
haha... xD

-intRoducing: me!-

hoho..
"who in the world am i to write and publish myself on the web??"
itu pikiran gw selama berbulan2 tiap diajak bikin blog sm orang..
definitely not an artist,, not someone popular either,,
not pretty, not that hot, not that happening in terms of social life..
never travel anywhere,, never took an adventure course,,,
not a participant of any social community moving in any fields or what so ever...
what the hell do i have to wrote in this blog thing if i'm not all that??

hoo,,
totally shallow!!!
so what if i'm not all that...
i'm not writing for anyone else anyways...
(and i shouldn't if i'm not getting paid for it... haha!)
that's one reason i named this page unsubstantialmonologue..
coz i think i'm free to write about all the stuff i want to talk about.. atleast to myself.. xD
(atleast i'll find it amusing and attractive, right?)

so,
lets see...
i'm all of that above,, and what else yap??
hm,,,

sbnernyaa yaa,,
i always think that the open command of -- "tell me about urself.."-- in any conversation is haaaaard!!!
don't you??
honestly, how many of you twenty something people out there knows how to answer this comprehensively???
should we start with ourselves? family backgrounds? studies? competencies? traits? strength? weakness?
what?? how?? aaarghh,,, xC

truth is;
i hardly know myself..
(and that's maybe the reason why i keep sooo many good friends around yap?? maybe i'm secretly hoping they would remind me of who i am incase i forgot.. haha!)

what i do know is..
i'm searching for me,,,
all of those hopes and dreams and God knows what else i should have within me in this unclear life...
haha!

WRiTiNG,,, dear folks and readers,,
always has its way of helping me sort things out in life,
sometimes,, (well, most of the times siy,,)
somehow,, it made me feel that i've wrote my problems away...
its like unconciously, i'm re-analyzing the things i had in mind when i wrote,
then i tend to find my answers..
hoo.... sangat canggihlah pokoknyaa!! xp

and that's one other reason i made this web-wide monologues...
see, the problems with diaries and all is we mean to keep it for ourselves,,
(yaiyalaaah,, that's the whole point of diaries and journals jg bukannya, dul?? xp)

well i guess i'm tired of hiding myself from the world..
i'm lost anyways in that search alone... xp

lets just see if i can sort me out if i atleast have had the guts to post now.. xp

so world,,
introducing the one and only..
me!

any questions??
hahaaa....

-the very first monologue-

monologue,,
by its definition in Encarta dictionary may mean long interrupted speech by someone (a long tedious uninterrupted speech during a conversation), or performance by comedian (a set of jokes or humorous stories following one another without a break, told by a solo entertainer)..

i found any of that definition well suited for my kind of writings and notes,.
seenggaknya,, i liked to think of it that way.. hahaaa...

anyways,,,
this very first monologue is awarded to dewi & pandu..
the person that gave me a fun job with lots of friends, foods and spare times! (thanks yaa, cint!! xp)
and to the one and only sir helix,,, for the midnite messaging (on his birthday btw,,) in the topic of title choosing.. (huge thanks with with hugs and kisses too, ndu! xp)

for now,,,
hm,,, secara masih di kantor,,,
i'll see u tonite?
hahaaa..

last,,
hopefully not least,,

greetings, universe!! xp